Who wants to admit it?

I am a racist. Not intentionally, but it resides in me nonetheless. How do I know? Let me share...

I grew up in Utah in the 1970's thinking very little about race. Why? Even though the best friends of my youth were Tony Archuleta and Rodney Espanoza, almost everyone else was white. How would I know to think any differently? I grew up thinking that my little slice of life was the whole pie.

Since that time, I've had the opportunity to travel extensively and to live for extended periods outside of the United States. I have experienced and been accepted into other cultures and thought that I was fairly open-minded. And yet...

I'm not talking Confederate Flag waving, call the Klan, blatant hate mongering. What I'm talking about is much, much more insidious. I've only experienced it a handful of times. One occasion occurred while I was a student in New York. My wife and daughter had gone to spend some time with her family in Idaho and I hung out with my friend Sydney Vargas. Sydney was from New York (rare) and was giving me an insider's tour. We were walking in Central Park in East Harlem. It was just beginning to get dark when we spotted a pack of kids tracking us like wolves stalking their prey. They probably weren't more than 13 0r 14 years old yet they terrified me. Here's were the racism comes in. Right or wrong, I wouldn't have felt as afraid if these kids had been white. I have also cowered inside when a group of loud and aggressive black men came into the train car that I sat in. Here's the deal though... I have NEVER had a bad experience with an African-American. EVER. Yet, if I were walking down the street and there were two young black men standing on the corner, I would more than likely cross the street. This fear is irrational, based on nothing and definitely not easy to admit.

So why do I? Because I wanted to get a conversation going about race relations in America? I think that many of us don't want to admit racial tension. I think that we want to pretend that, since we elected a black President, we must be passed all that race stuff. I know that I'm taking a chance with this, but here's my assumption... If I, as someone who sees himself as accepting, open-minded, and tolerant can find bigotry and fear driving my behavior then it must be alive in others as well.

My hope is that the recognition of these buried beliefs will lead us to a place where we can let them go. That we can get to a place where there is no fear, that we can see all men as equal, and that we can walk shoulder to shoulder with with ALL of our brothers and sisters without any reservations. Let love rule!